The 85 decibel Monk Quality Control Unit

(Q.C.U.)

:editors note: This document is strictly fictional...the accounts, descriptions, and activities of the 85 decibel Monks in this article does not accurately describe the real contributions of the Monks...so, just chalk it up to one of Tack's alcohol induced fantasies...it's an interesting read.

B.T.F 1996, (Before Tack-Fu Productions) consumers of hip-hop music were exposed to considerable sound quality risks. Product ingredients and claims of "fresh beats" "new styles" & "ill rhymes" were not verified or regulated. Because some hip-hop music can be toxic to your ears if inadequately tested, Tack-Fu Productions led the charge and instituted audio procedures to minimize the hazardous "wack beat."

The 85 decibel Monk Q.C.U. (Quality Control Unit) is a select agency of Tack-Fu Productions dealing with several responsibilities to the production team.

These duties include:
  • premarketing clearance of all new beats and samples based on purity, style, & effectiveness
  • regulation of all labeling, including advertising, of all Tack-Fu products
  • regulation of manufacturing, which includes recalls of unacceptable Tack-Fu products
  • regulation of sound quality standards for beats
  • surveillance (after the product is on the market) to detect adverse reactions associated with Tack-Fu produced beats

Initial discovery of a sample to go with a beat are the first steps toward the marketing of a Tack-Fu product. Hundreds of percussion sounds and structures are considered in the mix before a beat becomes recognized as phat. A typical Tack-Fu beat requires 1 year and over $1,000 dollars worth of expenses to undergo study, testing, and evaluation before it is marketable. The costs of producing a successful beat, as well as money lost to the beats that failed, are substantial.
Sample discovery and the beat blending process is a unique process. Sometimes it naturally works, other times researchers in the Q.C.U. work backwards, looking for ways to target a certain "feel" to accompany the selected sample.
......................... Evaluation of a potential new beat begins in the laboratories. Both short term (one to three listens) and long term (two to ten listens) studies are conducted on animals and humans. Mind altering substances are also injected into human volunteers to determine the effectiveness of the beat.
.........................After conducting laboratory and animal tests with a new beat, the second step is achieving marketing approval.

.........................Test records are quickly pressed, and a 30-day review period is set. This allows Tack-Fu artists, producers, DJs, and other assorted hanger-ons to evaluate the beat. The limited pressing also allows selected consumers the opportunity to acquire the instrumental cut prior to marketing approval. The 30-day review has 3 phases.

.........................PHASE 1
Determine the perspective audience sex and age range, and it's effectiveness. Observing the way the beat is absorbed, and how it relates into the mind and body. These tests are usually conducted in about 20 to 80 volunteers. 50% of the beats are abandoned at this phase.

PHASE 2
If the data shows a specific market audience, and if the beat is effective for the intended mood swing, a sub-reviewing division of the Q.C.U. us called into action for a meeting to discuss plans for phase 3.

Q.C.U. Review Division Checklist

  • descriptive name of the beat
  • complete list of samples, basslines, active and inactive
  • quantitive composition of the beat in musical notation terms
  • source of beat
  • test results
  • sound standard protocol
  • experience of Monk beat makers & record diggers
  • review board responsible for continued review of the proposed beat
  • description of plans and procedures to ensure that human subjects are brainwashed and addicted to Tack-Fu products.

PHASE 3
This phase involves the most extensive and intense testing. Age range, sex of audience in the age range, target markets within regional areas, track life, (how long it takes before people get sick of it) channels of distribution, media manipulation, and music industry networking strategies are all taken into consideration. On average, 25% of the beats from phase 2 successfully complete phase 3.

.........................Submission to Tack-Fu (the man, the myth, the medium) marks the beginning of the final sequence of events that can lead to approval and marketing. Specific data is entered into the computerized information system. Consultants, club promoters, and record distributors are drafted to design the best possible propaganda machine for the purposes of global domination. Finally, reviewers and critics alike are identified and recruited to complement the Tack-Fu media blitz hype.
..........................The facts: Under the supervision of the 85 decibel Monk Q.C.U., a standard has been set in technical mastery of sampled sounds, which is surpassed by no other recordings on the market.

All samples are carefully compressed, maximized, and edited in the most advanced studios where the Monks dwell.

Previously recorded performances by renowned and exciting artists from varied fields of the musical world, and the interpretations by Tack-Fu and the 85 decibel Monks, provide a provocative contribution to your music library.